An adult ADHD routine is a very nuanced thing. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve spoken to who start a new routine, aren’t immediately successful, and just…stop. Usually, I see three common reasons for this, and I think they’re surprisingly easy to get past. Relatively. We’re still ADHD, after all.
Of course, you can watch me talk about that here, or you can listen to it instead below, or anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Reason 1: The routine hasn’t failed; you’ve just given up too soon.
Here’s the thing: most of us hear “routine,” and assume that if we aren’t successfully doing the same thing at the same time every day right off the bat, then we’ve failed. After all, aren’t routines by their very definition supposed to be consistent?
Well…yes. But a new routine isn’t built easily, even if you don’t have ADHD.
Firstly, I think we tend to get routines mixed up with habits. There is a difference. Put simply, a habit is so ingrained that it feels weird not to do it; a routine is intentional and often uncomfortable. So you’re supposed to struggle with executing a routine, especially since it generally takes anywhere from a few weeks to a number of months for a routine to become habit. Generally, that means you’re going to miss days and steps.
The point here is that you’re supposed to mess up on a routine. It won’t be successful right away. And it’s only a “failed” routine if you decide that you’re not going to start it back up after missing a day or two.
So remember that you can restart a routine anytime you want, and that restart becomes easier and easier to do, when you know that.
Reason 2: Your routine just doesn’t fit you anymore
You change. Times change. So why wouldn’t your routine change? Sometimes, even after we’ve successfully turned a routine into habit, we’re going to find that it’s just not working for us anymore.
I find this often, both in clients and myself, with planning and productivity methods. For months, we’ll love a particular piece of software, or a planning process, and then one day we just…don’t anymore. Generally, this is because we need something else, and what we’re doing isn’t giving us that. Maybe we need a simpler view than we did before. Maybe we’re working on more projects, and now we need something that’s going to let us plan way into the future. Maybe we’re just tired of having the same colors to stare at, and we’re bored of the SSDD.
As a non-work example, maybe you were brushing your teeth without fail every night before bed at the same time. You suddenly realize that you haven’t done this in a week, and it’s distressing. When you think on it harder, though, you might also notice that you have a new show that you’re watching at the usual teeth-brushing time, and now you’re thrown off and too tired to bother by the time is over. Maybe you have a class that you’re taking at that time. Hell, maybe your sleep cycle has just changed (this happens) , and now you either feel too tired or too wired to think about it.
The answer, of course, is to change what needs to be changed. Don’t just try to shove yourself into something that isn’t working for you; it’s okay that your brain is changing, and it’s much better for you to be able to end up in a routine that works, than one that feels like shoving a square peg in a round hole.
Reason 3: Your routine is too g-d rigid
Listen: You know just as well as I do that, despite having unpredictable energy and focus levels, we do horribly with sudden surprises. So I get the initial urge to make it so that you read half a self-help book at exactly 7:30 and then you take a shower at exactly 8:00, but this isn’t setting you up for success in the slightest.
Know why? You know what happens? You sit down to read the self-help book at 7:30, but then maybe you can’t focus that day. Maybe your dog has diarrhea. So you have to get up to wipe up dog diarrhea every ten minutes. By the time you’ve been up to clean three times, you’ve read three pages, and now you absolutely have to take a shower. But you don’t want to, because you didn’t finish the book like you wanted to, and the whole thing feels like a big failure, and you’re demoralized, and now that night is shot.
Your routine has to allow for mistakes, for surprises, and for sudden needs for change. It has to let you say “Oh…I was going to read 50 pages tonight, but I only got three pages done. Maybe I’ll just say I need to read for 20-30 minutes a night. Actually, I’m tired as hell; maybe I should try reading first thing in the morning instead.” This is the only way you’re going to find your sweet spot, that point where you can keep doing this for a while.
Remember: your routine is about you, and so that’s who it has to be based on. The rest falls into place immediately after.
Ready to start figuring out a new routine? Check out your options for coaching, and let’s get you started.
[…] at once, I’m going to keep falling back into this pit of despair. Think of it this way: it takes time to get a good routine into place. There’s no way one can just fall back into something like that after a bunch of time without it. […]