When it comes to ADHD and hobbies, you’d think that they go together like peanut butter and jelly. And, in my opinion, they do. They just also sometimes are a source of stress or confusion, which is ironic seeing how hobbies are supposed to be the opposite. As with a number of things I’ve talked about on this site, the problem here is often our mindset. So let’s talk a little about how we might fix that, shall we?
And, of course, you can always watch me talk about it here, or listen to me talk about it below, or on any podcast platform.
First off, what do hobbies look like for ADHD brains?
So it’s pretty widely accepted that ADHD brains get into a cycle when it comes to hobbies. It consists of four parts: Curiosity, Excitement, Enjoyment, and Boredom.
Curiosity is the discovery phase. We get wrapped up in whatever first excites us about the hobby in question, and we wrap ourselves in giant curiosity burritos that we stuff with research, learning, and novelty – all things that our brains feed off of.
Excitement is the hyperfocus phase, wherein we gather up all of our research and want to share it with someone. We want to talk about what we’ve learned to everybody, because we’re excited about where this all can lead. The idea of the hobby, whatever it is, occupies our brains almost all the time, and we cannot WAIT to get started. If we need tools or instruments for our hobby, we run out to get them. This is also our prep phase, and it builds a lot of anticipation.
Enjoyment is what happens when we start putting our plans into action. We’re seeing The Thing come to fruition, we’re taking those few steps, and now we’re LIVING it. Only…the real thing is rarely ever as amazing in real life as it is in our heads, right? So then we take the bullet train to…
Boredom. It’s what cuts us off from many a hobby. The reasons can be one of any number, from the fact that the reality didn’t live up to the expectation, to the fact that we hit a snag and don’t want to push through, to we learn so much about the hobby that we stagnate. Whatever the reason, yet another hobby goes by the wayside, and we’re often either onto the next thing, or frustrated that we gave up so quickly on the first.
So how do you stick to hobbies with ADHD?
The short answer? You don’t. At least, not in the traditional sense.
As much as I know that many of you would like a one-size-fits-all, quick fix to the hobby issue, the truth is that a mindset shift is at the very core of the issue.
For one: We turn our hobbies into jobs. I don’t mean businesses, though we have a bad habit of doing that, too. I mean that, in our excitement, we forget the whole point of hobbies. A hobby is supposed to be something that you do for fun and relaxation when you can find the time, not something that requires a strict schedule and calls for shame when you don’t get to it. Hobbies exist for us, not the other way around.
For another: We get tripped up on imperfections. These could be imperfections in the hobby itself, or maybe we aren’t as good at The Thing as we hoped we’d be. Either way, we have brains that always want to jump 19 steps ahead, so when our journey starts with step 1 or 2, which takes time and possible further learning, we often get impatient and discouraged to the point where we walk away.
The solution comes in three parts:
Firstly, as hard as this is going to be, if something is a hobby, you’ve gotta go easy on yourself. If, for example, you are interested in baking, remember that you’re not going into this to become a world-class or professional baker. This is for fun; it’s not a situation wherein you’re required to put in a certain number of hours in order to be legit; you’re doing it because YOU like it. Which means you can not only bake whatever project you want, but you can also bake at whatever regularity you want, and you can give up any time you want. You can also pick it back up any time you want. That’s the joy of hobbies. They’re a possible choice for your free time, nothing more. So shame when you haven’t done it in awhile isn’t necessary.
Secondly, save some of the mystery. ADHD brains are ready to jump into hobbies both-feet-first, which can be great, but it also leads to boredom much faster. If you’re just getting into that baking habit but you’ve already bought that double-boiler and that weapons-grade breadmaker, you’ve left yourself nothing to look forward to. So start slowly; allow yourself to begin with things you already have on hand or things you can borrow, then reward yourself with better stuff as you start to get better and fall more in love with the hobby. Less boredom means that you might stick to it longer.
Thirdly, be okay with walking away. Sometimes, the thing you thought you’d love doesn’t speak to you. Or, sometimes it does and then it doesn’t. That’s okay. It doesn’t make you flaky or unreliable; it makes you a human being who is doing what serves them. If you catch yourself in the middle of making a loaf of bread, questioning your very existence, your hobby is a chore now. Stop. Go buy bread. It’s going to be okay. You’re allowed to change your mind. Just like you’re also allowed to realize that you miss it six months later and return to it. Hobbies are supposed to be a source of decompression and joy, which means they become relevant when you need them to be.
And a note on finding time for hobbies:
Not that many of us have a very hard time finding new things to try, but I wanted to make a suggestion to any one of us out there who may be struggling with finding a way to work them into our days. Maybe the problem isn’t that you dropped that baking habit; maybe it’s the fact that we’re always so tired from work and life that we haven’t done it in three months because we never have the energy for it anymore.
That’s understandable, and honestly, the only way to find time for a hobby is to make time for it. I’ve mentioned before that I recommend to everyone who crosses my path that they give themselves one self-care item a day, for at least 10 minutes a day. This can be your hobby, or something else that helps you conserve and regain mental and emotional energy. If you can’t do it that often, then you have to find time for a little longer once a week. And when it comes to your hobby, remember that you can pencil it in whenever the hell you want. But you have to pencil it in. If it’s doing what it’s supposed to do, your hobby is crucial to you feeling like a whole human being.
And before anyone says it: I know it’s easier said than done. But it’s worth doing, because you are worth caring for, too. So if you have to set a timer in your phone, hook up with someone who’ll keep you accountable, or write it on your calendar ahead of time…make the time. You’ll be glad you did.
If you’re looking for help finding time for hobbies, I’ve got you covered. Go here to find out your options for working together, and let’s meet up!
