ADHD symptoms are numerous; more so that many seem to understand. It’s pretty well agreed-upon at this point that ADHD is a poorly-named condition.
Update 9/9/2022: There is now a video version of this, if you’d rather watch, and there’s a podcast episode below, or anywhere you listen to podcasts.
So. “Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder” doesn’t seem to leave much room for extra analysis. And what else could there be? You’re hyper and you can’t pay attention, right?
If you’re here, you probably know the answer already.
As adult ADHD diagnoses continue to skyrocket in the US alone, particularly amongst women, it’s become pretty clear that this is something that’s much more nuanced than at first thought. Some of it, like the aforementioned fidgeting or inattention, are expected and well-steeled-against. But there are a few other things here that you may not know are getting in your way. So keep an eye out for:
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
When I worked mainly with business owners, and I’d see it often: someone would send out a proposal, or price their work accordingly, or go through a sales call, only to find that the prospective client hasn’t chosen them. This won’t be a rude or personal choice; it will be due to any number of reasons. But my client will find themselves emotionally wounded, asking themselves where they went wrong and reviewing their whole process off of one pass. Some will even get angry at being told they’re out-of-budget, to the point where you’d think their prospect insulted their mother instead.
Truth is, for ADHD brains, it can be a knee-jerk reaction. Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, is a really common ADHD symptom. We’re so used to not fitting in that we automatically assume that every non-positive response is personal. In non-business cases, this can look like feeling hurt after someone makes a passing comment about your shirt, or feeling ready to leave after someone interrupts you while you’re talking. As you’d imagine, it can get in the way of how you deal with setbacks.
How to deal with it:
It takes some self-awareness, which can be a bit hard in the moment, but ask yourself: “how did the person really mean that? Will it affect me personally beyond today?” And then answer honestly. RSD is generally an extension of embarrassment and insecurity, and it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings in healthy ways. Feel them, comfort yourself (even if that means leaving the party — long as it’s not your house; that would be weird), and then try to move forward. Most times, to quote Jimmy Eat World, “it’s only in your head you feel left out, or looked down on,” and it takes a little practice to get used to accepting that as truth.
Object Impermanence
Ok, so you know how babies play “Peek-a-Boo” to help with Object Permanence, that understanding that something or someone out of sight doesn’t stop existing just because you can’t see it/them?
Yeah, if you’re an ADHD brain, you do not rule at that concept, and it can be responsible for a lot of your problems.
We’re not as bad as babies are, obviously, but we do struggle with feeling connections or urgency if things aren’t always within our sightlines. This is as true for personal relationships and appointments as it is for our car keys. Not keeping this in mind can lead to more distraction, worse punctuality, and a host of other things.
How to deal with it:
Make sure the things you need are front-and-center, always. Don’t just write it on a calendar, unless you carry that calendar with you at all times. Make sure that appointments are put in multiple places that you look at frequently. When it comes to personal relationships, try to step back and ask yourself how long it’s really been since you’ve last seen/heard from each other. And remember that phones work both ways — depending on the dynamic, it’s okay for you to be the one to reach out, if you haven’t in a while (and if this person is someone you care about).
Impulsive Spending
This can be a struggle. Believe me, I know. Even worse is the fact that many aren’t aware that it’s an ADHD symptom. When I was clearing out my old photography equipment, I saw that I had two of the same light and three of the same stand for no reason. I’d never checked to see if I already had these things, and I’d never even noticed.
This often comes from the fact that ADHD brains seek dopamine like a monkey seeks bananas — we can’t be bored to save our lives. For some, purchasing things gives us that rush we need, and these days it’s incredibly easy to do. Add to that the fact that our brains can rationalize just about anything (“Okay, but a vintage Troll doll will make me happy, and what’s another $24.99 anyway?”), and it makes for a very dangerous mix.
How to deal with it:
This can be embarrassing for some, but ask yourself the following:
– Do I feel ashamed after I buy things?
– Do I use much of what I buy for longer than a couple weeks?
– Have I bought the same kind of product multiple times before and never used it?
– Am I using money I don’t really have?
– Is this even really something I need?
And if the answers to these are all bad, then it’s probably time to take action. I’m going to be honest: it will take willpower and urge avoidance, which are both things people with ADHD struggle against daily. That said, the end result is worth the focus. So I suggest keeping close track of YOUR personal spending — not your family’s, or your partner’s, or just your business’s. Every time you push the “CHECKOUT” button, add it to a ledger or budget sheet. Do this right away, or once a week. And, if you realize you really need to pump the brakes (like, to a full stop), download a sobriety app and keep track of how long you last. Gamify it by trying to see how long you can go without buying anything you don’t definitely NEED.
And of course, if you can’t get that far, it’s totally okay to get help. You’d do that if you broke a leg, so take care of all parts of yourself.
Fatigue
This was actually one of my main ADHD symptoms and I had no idea.
Because of the name of the disorder, most people aren’t aware of the fact that there’s an unlucky number of us who have ADHD and who’re actually tired all the time. It’s not totally clear as to why, but many seem to think that it could be due to either sleep issues, or to the fact that ADHD minds are constantly racing. Either way, it makes for a frustrating turn of events when your body just doesn’t want to do what your brain is ready-and-rarin’ to.
An important point, by the way: there’s a difference between sleepiness and fatigue. The first is an obvious need to go to bed and take a nap; the second is an overall feeling of bodily tiredness, but doesn’t necessarily include the need for sleep. So if you feel like you’re tired all day to the point of wanting to sleep, it probably would be best to ensure you’re not dealing with something like sleep apnea first.
How to deal with it:
Unfortunately, fatigue seems to be pretty individualized when it comes to its causes and treatments. By and large, though, you’ll find that medication, caffeine, and exercise are regularly suggested for fatigue. There are also a number of natural remedies that supposedly help, as well as other medications that are used off-label. It generally seems to be a trial-and-error process. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as well, and I’ve found that Pacing, a method used for those with CFS, is extremely helpful, too.
When pacing, you essentially want to take regular breaks, and you want to avoid pushing past the moment wherein you begin to feel fatigued. This can be difficult, but it ultimately leaves you able to do more with your time and energy.
I could honestly keep going, but I’ll leave with this: ADHD brains and ADHD symptoms are to be worked WITH, not to be corrected or “fixed.” Your brain is your brain; there’s no point in trying to change that. And if you learn how to do that, you can absolutely reach the levels of satisfaction that you look for daily.
It just takes a little patience, which we also suck at.
Good thing we can also hyperfocus like no one’s business.
We got this.
If you’d like a little extra help understanding your ADHD symptoms and getting stuff done, I got you. Reach out for your intake, and we’ll get you on the way to working with that brain of yours.
Top site ,.. amazaing post ! Just keep the work on !