If you’re wondering how to avoid burnout with ADHD, then this is the article for you. Obviously, ADHD is not a purely-ADHD problem, but it’s common enough, and it’s different enough for us, that I felt like something needed to be said about it. As always, you can go here to watch me talk about it instead of reading, and you can listen to it below or wherever you listen to podcasts.
First off, we have to know what burnout looks like
As with anything, if you don’t know what burnout looks like, you won’t know how to avoid it, or to be able to tell when you’re dealing with it.
We actually share a number of the usual symptoms that others do; things like fatigue and feelings of hopelessness aren’t unusual. But our behaviors are also a little different. You’ll often see ADHD burnout in the form of quitting, distraction, anger, or procrastination.
Quitting
Quitting is exactly what it sounds like. Generally, you’ll find yourself rationalizing the situation, convincing yourself that you no longer love that thing you just adored two weeks ago. You’ll tell yourself that it’s run its course, that it’s honestly not fun anymore, and that you didn’t realize how much this thing sucked before you started.
That could all be true, sure, but it could also just be that your brain is burnt out and tired of thinking about whatever it is. It could just be that a break from the subject is in order.
Distraction
So hey…how soon after you got tired did you suddenly find yourself really interested in getting the kitchen near-spotless? Was it only a couple seconds after you lost interest in the project that you found yourself wanting nothing more than to work on that other project you abandoned three months ago? If so, your brain just might desperately want to think about something else fo awhile.
Anger
How DARE they bring up that thing you’re specifically trying not to do? How dare they. Don’t they know that you’ll get to it as soon as you finish yelling, even though you honestly don’t want to yell? Why are you yelling, anyway?
Because you’re feeling stressed, because you’re most likely burnt out. It’s ok. Happens to the best of us.
Procrastination
Yes, you have to get on paying those bills. Yes, you know they’re due soon. But also, you’ve been stressing over money for the past month. You know that what you see won’t be pretty. You don’t want to see it, don’t want to think about it anymore. So you find yourself glued to the couch, or taking a nap, or resorting to distraction up there. Anything so that you can put off paying those bills until the urgency is high enough for you to be unable to put it off anymore.
I see you, because sometimes I am you. But maybe let’s talk about how we don’t get here.
The answer is simple, but not easy: you need balance
Here’s the thing about ADHD brains: we don’t do balance so well.
We’re often either 0% in or 110% in, which can be helpful, but also means that we’re also either running at full speed or stuck in one place. Think about it: what happens when you do nothing but sprint? You use up all the energy you had, and then you’re just lying on the ground trying not to throw up.
The trick is to keep a steady pace the whole way.
I have a class coming up about this in April (so feel free to join the newsletter if you’d like to be kept up to date on when that would be happening), but ADHD brains don’t so much need to streamline and pick one thing, as we need to balance the things that matter to us in a way that allows for equal time for everything that matters: work, home, and self.
To get into how to do this is a little more than one article can hold, but the general step-by-step looks like this:
- Find a singular place wherein you’ll keep track of all important tasks. Make sure this way is either portable, or will integrate with something that is portable.
- Note start dates AND due dates, so that you have an idea of when it will be reasonable to start working on each thing.
- Take it day by day, first filling in your priorities and then filling in the things that you’d like to get to (I call this task stacking). Take note of how you’re feeling as you’re filling this in.
- If you’re going to try to make time for a new behavior, or new routine, start very slowly – probably slower than you think you’ll even need.
- Try to ensure that you include no more than 3 work tasks; no more than 2 household tasks; and then 1 personal task that you’re really looking forward into each day. Fit two personal tasks, if you think you can.
Some important notes:
You don’t have to do all of it, everyday, EXCEPT the personal task.
If you can’t get to all of your work, or if you only get to the dishes but wind up not vacuuming, that’s fine. NO ONE gets everything done every day. It’s impossible. Try to keep a good handle on how many hours you actually have available, vs. how many hours of energy you might have, vs. how much you’re trying to do, and move things to the next day if you can. I use Sunsama for this, but you can use anything you like.
If you can, though, whatever it is, DON’T chuck your personal self-care tasks. Sure, you may have to once or twice in a row, but then make sure that you’re right back to it by day three. Even if this means something else has to wait. That decompression now is what will help you keep going later.
Be intentional with your time
I know, I know. A lot of people say this and never explain what the hell it even means.
It sounds hard, but it’s actually very easy, and it helps you to prioritize. Basically, when you’re putting your tasks down for the day, ask yourself first: “what do I want to dedicate time and energy to?” And then keep that in mind as you’re putting everything else together. Maybe that thing will be a priority, or maybe you’ll only be able to give 30 minutes of the day to it. But knowing that you’re operating within your own wants and needs helps to avoid that feeling of being out-of-control that often precipitates feeling burnt out.
And finally: if you do get burnt out, it’s not the end of the world
Last year, I can’t tell you how many times I’d get it in my head to do something, and then I’d get hit from all sides by kid sicknesses, family drama, personal health issues, and God-knows-what-else. When it finally came time to do the things I wanted to do, I couldn’t. I had no energy left. At first, I was angry about it, but then I came to understand that it happens.
We live in a world that’s full of stressors, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, we’re still going to wind up overwhelmed by them. That’s okay and means nothing about your strength, your intelligence, or your goodness or badness as a person.
If you get burnt out, the most important thing is damage control. Before you make big decisions, snap at others, or pick up anything else, do what you can to decompress however you need. Turn your brain off. Don’t ask yourself to make big decisions or to think through any issues until you’ve let your system catch up. Once that’s happened, then and only then do I encourage you to think about everything that’s been weighing you down.
It’s not an exact science, but with a little self-compassion, self-awareness, and planning, you can avoid burnout way more than you experience it. It takes a little time, but it’s worth it in the end. And of course, if you need help with this, reach out to me and let’s work together.
