Some time back, I shared a few things that had surprised me about my late ADHD diagnosis. Since talking about it, I’ve been shocked by how many people have been in my messages and comments, sharing that they received their diagnoses in their 30’s and 40’s, after many years of wondering why they struggled with so many things others didn’t. A very concerning number of these people were women, too.
I wrote that article back in July, about two months after even finding out I had it. I was still figuring out my medication, was still coming to understand myself, and hadn’t even begun to realize what an absolute mire of misunderstood shit ADHD is. So with that, I give you a few more things people don’t warn you about before your diagnosis includes those four little letters.
There are parts that will be embarrassing to admit.
Because it isn’t talked about as much as it should be, there are some things that ADHD will affect that you won’t even know about until someone else is brave enough to admit it’s a thing. For example, some people struggle with daily hygiene.
The problem is that people with ADHD lack dopamine, and so they tend to actively search for things that will give them a bit of a rush of it. It’s partially why most of us can’t stop starting new projects; we crave novelty and feelings of accomplishment. Brushing teeth, showering, washing hair, etc. are the farthest from new and exciting that you can get. So sometimes, it’s very hard to overcome that executive dysfunction (AKA Master-Level-Procrastination) in order to make yourself do something so very simple. And, because I think it’s important to hear these things, I’ll admit: I have to make very concerted efforts to brush my teeth everyday. Not because I don’t understand that I should, but because it doesn’t feel urgent or interesting, and so I struggle to force myself to do it.
Another one –one that I have also found that I’ve struggled with all my life — is impulsive shopping. Think those cutesy “retail therapy” scenes in some movies, but it happens pretty much every time you’re overwhelmed or bored. Shopping is a very simple way to achieve that feeling of accomplishment and happiness. Like, sure, I don’t need a tiny Garfield pencil sharpener, but it’s new, and in this digital era, I can have it in my hands almost immediately if I want!
This is almost always followed by feelings of shame and regret. In fact, some people will buy and then keep the receipt to return the next day. With things like mobile games (my personal vice), you don’t have that option, so you just tell yourself it won’t happen again. Til it does.
Thing is, as embarrassing as these things will feel, you’re not alone, and there are ways to overcome them. I don’t sit around breathing dragon breath on people, because I’ve started working tooth brushing into a regular routine, and if I need a real push, I do it while I’m doing something I really enjoy, like reading or listening to songs I like. To avoid spending, I keep a personal expense sheet (keyword here is “personal,” where I have to put in every time I spend money, so that I’m not trying to brush anything off on anyone else). There are options and support groups everywhere where you’ll get all kinds of suggestions to help you past it. In fact….hey…guess what?
There are support groups everywhere.
Up until now, I was used to Facebook mommy groups, where “support” is a word that’s used quite loosely. Like, sure, you’ll get some good suggestions and recommendations as long as you’re able to read through people answering questions you didn’t ask and judging your parenting and trying to sell you dodgy health shakes. Most of these aren’t exactly safe places.
So imagine my joy when I found out that ADHD support groups actually seem dedicated to what their name entails. I’m a member of a few on Reddit and Facebook, and they’re all quick to help with answers both anecdotal and scientific. If you want to write in just to hear that you aren’t the only one, they’ll give you that, too. In these groups, I learned to be patient with my medication, I learned a bit more about how my brain works, and I’ve identified regularly with people in a way that’s made me feel more comfortable with talking about things. This isn’t a thing you have to go through alone at all, and this is the proof of it.
The internet really doesn’t suck sometimes. Also…
A concerningly low number of people really understand ADHD, and it’ll make your life hell sometimes
Honestly, I’m still not sure how much of this is the still-not-uncommon belief that “everyone has some ADHD,” and that this isn’t a real disorder.
As with any disorder, the point isn’t whether or not you have something no one else does; it’s about whether or not it interferes with your life and stops you from being the person you know you could be. This is the case with OCD, depression, anxiety, and a number of other things. But it’s hard to explain to people why procrastinating or zooming all over a room can be a problem.
“So what?” Many think. “So you don’t get to the laundry right away and you probably can run a marathon in record time. Who needs medicine for that?”
And it’s like…I mean…the entire house is out of clothes and you still can’t force yourself to wash anything, and you also can’t sleep until 4 AM most days, but cool. Whatever.
My point is that many people still won’t get what, exactly, you’re going through. They’ll hear the same old “squirrel” jokes and assume they understand, but they often don’t really. And because of that, you’ll feel it in the world a little bit.
You’ll feel it in the way people talk. You’ll feel it in how people act when you ask for a slight bending of procedures. You’ll feel it when you bother to mention you have it. You’ll even feel it in the way your medicine is priced and made available.
Or, should I say, not readily available. See, by and large, people receive stimulants as ADHD medication. It’s like a caffeine pill’s saucy, worldly, older sister who’s smoked cigarettes and seen some shit. It even has “meth” right in the name. Some people use it recreationally to focus, or to be able to stay up. And because of this, our meds are often considered “controlled substances.” Which makes it a pain in the ass to get reasonably.
Before moving from the US, I tried to get a three month supply of my medication in order to hold me over while I tried to find a doctor. I was denied, and only given one month, because that’s all I was allowed. After getting down to Costa Rica, I had to find a pharmacy that could even order my medication, because most won’t. At one point, I was given the name brand version because of a language barrier, and I was very upset to find that the name brand version worked better than any generic I’d ever had, only to find out that ADHD medications —mine specifically— are notorious for making weaker generics than name brands.
“Why don’t you just get the name brand then?” You ask.
Because down here, even where things are less expensive, my medication costs the equivalent of about $200. In the US, it would be $450. With the manufacturer coupon, it would be $300. This isn’t really reasonable for most people.
And the truth is, while this is a problem for many more important and lifesaving medications, it’s still a problem. And it’s one you’ll encounter little sympathy for, because a very large number of people still think that ADHD is either a made-up thing, or that it’s not really a huge problem.
So you will wind up feeling a little miffed and disrespected sometimes. Maybe that’ll change eventually. Here’s hoping.
Overall, the farther into this I go, the more I realize that ADHD is a part of you. It may lend itself to why you procrastinate, or why you struggle with rejection, or why you have to push yourself to wash your hair more than once a month, but it’s also why you’re probably creative, resourceful, and fun. ADHD is a different way for the mind to work, but it’s not a mental misprint or a sign that you’re broken. Once you accept it as just another part of yourself, you can make reat things happen.
You’re neurodivergent. You’re not broken. And even if you don’t figure it out until you’re an adult, it’s still worth it to figure it out.
Go get ’em tiger.
Yes, now. Seriously. Go.
I’ve been where you are, and I get how daunting adult ADHD can be, especially when you receive the diagnosis later in life. If you’re ready to meet with a coach, take a look at how I do it, and if that sounds great to you, get on my schedule!
