Note: Though I’ll be describing my childhood, these are still my adult ADHD symptoms, as in, I still deal with these things on a daily basis. I merely mention my childhood to illustrate how long I’ve been dealing with this, and the things that many missed. Also, this is only one particular answer to how to get diagnosed with ADHD; your story may be different from mine. That said, just to be sure we’re clear, this isn’t meant to be a diagnostic article. Please use this as a guide, but not as an answer. K, I’m done. On we go.
You can also watch this, if you’d prefer that, here.
Far and away, the most popular questions I am asked are “how did you know you had ADHD,” and “how did you go about getting diagnosed?” Mainly because many adults are out here trying to get answers. Sure, you can Google those ADHD symptoms and get some great answers – that’s what I did, and I found some pretty amazing articles – but sometimes you need to hear personal accounts. So here’s mine, and I hope it helps:
My mind was/is always busy
At this point, most of us know that women were often overlooked for ADHD as children because they weren’t “hyperactive.” That “H” in the name really screws us over, doesn’t it?
Sad as it is, ADHD wasn’t anything more than a “problem child disease” when I was a kid, meant for the (often) little boys who couldn’t sit still, stop touching things, or pay attention. Like a lot of grown women these days, I wasn’t like that. I was actually the exact opposite of hyperactive, sitting at my desk and daydreaming about 99% of the time. In fact, the closest I ever got to hyperactivity was the inability to shut up. My report cards were often scrawled with notes from my teachers, telling my parents that I was a joy to have in class, but that I really needed to work on not talking all the time.
Is this still happening? Is it an adult ADHD symptom? It sure is; I just have learned to use it to my advantage. But trust me when I say that this busy mind has most likely had a heavy hand in my actual lack of energy throughout my life. I’ve always been lower energy, and many theorize that women with ADHD tend to be this way largely because, while their bodies may be standing still, their minds are running laps.
My short-term memory was/is TERRIBLE
Perhaps because ADHD brains are always wandering from the present moment to…well…everywhere else, I was CONSTANTLY in trouble for forgetting things. I’d do my homework and forget to turn it in. I’d forget where I put things literally two seconds before. One time, my mind zoned-back in only to realize that the gas card I had just had in my hand was GONE, and I had no idea what I’d done with it at all. That still bothers me.
Fact is, as an adult, I’m still running into moments where I have no clue what I was just doing two seconds ago. Many adults can attest to this, but when this has been happening your whole life? It does suggest that perhaps you have a brain that is regularly missing things.
I was mad disorganized, yo.
EVERY year, I’d start my years out with the goal to be organized. I’d promise myself that all of my notes would be beautifully written and color coded, and my backpack would never be messy, and that I would never do shit last minute again.
Fast forward to a month later, and my backpack would be encrusted with forgotten papers, my notes would be scrawled with doodles in the margins, and I’d be trying to write a three-page paper the night before it was due.
Sound familiar? If you’re here, I’m not surprised.
Thing is, organization calls for a lot of ADHD-unfriendly concepts like remembering to put things away; having the patience to put things in their place, and comfort with boring tasks. We don’t do that so well, so it leads to disorganization without the right approaches. And obviously I didn’t have these correct approaches until I’d learned the coping mechanisms I know now.
And even at this point, there are still certain things I’ve resigned to always being messy, like my desk and my laundry chair (technically, it’s a desk chair. But at night, it’s a laundry chair). And that’s okay, honestly. The things that matter are organized, and that’s what’s important, right? Right.
I had executive dysfunction out the wazoo.
Hey, you know how you were probably told a million times that you’d do better if you just applied yourself? Or how you were called “lazy” 40 bajillion times, both in your mind and by those surrounding you? You remember all those times you could literally be standing in front of the thing you needed to do and still feel absolutely unable to do it for hours, if at all?
Yeah. You’re not lazy. Lazy people aren’t literally tortured by the inability to do things. They don’t care. It took me 35 years to learn the difference, but there you are. I get it, though, because I had to go through that struggle myself, particularly with vacuuming our dining room.
Every weekend, I would sit and stare at that vacuum and wonder why I couldn’t JUST GET STARTED. Turns out I probably had a sensory problem involving the sound of the vacuum (sensory problems are very common in people with ADHD), and so I really didn’t want to do the job. We all know what ADHD brains do when they don’t want to do things at this point, and so this was a problem I had ALL THE TIME.
Nowadays, you can see that I’ve learned how to bypass my Executive Dysfunction most of the time, but it was a battle. It still is a battle.
So if you’re not getting very simple things done, if it seems like you just CAN’T, you might want to check into it.
Constant fatigue
I’ve mentioned before that this was the symptom that finally pushed me to get diagnosed. I was ALWAYS tired. ALWAYS. And while it definitely got worse after having children, it was most certainly a problem when I was younger, too. As a kid and a young adult, I was never so tired that I couldn’t stay up or do things that I wanted to, but maaaaan if I had a chance for a nap, I’d take it in a heartbeat.
After kids, it just became worse. My undiagnosed, super-active mind was also hit with Post Partum Anxiety, and so I was pretty much stressing my body out all the time. I also found that caffeine may be a problem, but that’s a story for another time.
It’s exactly why ADHD is badly named – some of us don’t want to run around the room. We want to sleep for three days. But like…all the time.
So after I realized I had all of these (and a few more) and every article on adult ADHD symptoms called me out on them again and again, I finally decided to get diagnosed.
How I got Diagnosed with ADHD
I honestly wish I could tell some harrowing story with amazing advice, but mine was very simple.
It was yet another day where I was sick of constantly being tired, so I decided, once again, to Google what might be causing my fatigue. ADHD popped up, and at this point, it was the fifth or sixth time it had happened. I broke down and decided to get diagnosed.
I was going to visit my PCP, but as a daughter of a General Practitioner, I know damn well that psychiatry is not something they’re well-versed in. So I decided to see if I could “skip the line,” so to speak.
I did a search and found a large practice of psychologists and psychiatrists, some of whom specialized in ADHD. I called them and immediately spat out my question.
“Hey, do I need a referral to come to you?”
“Nope.” The receptionist said simply.
So I asked to be evaluated for ADHD, they set me up for that week, and I was evaluated and seeing a psychiatrist by the following Friday.
It won’t be this easy for everyone, everywhere. I know it won’t. But if I can suggest ANYTHING for you from my experience, it’s that you should do what you can to see someone who specifically deals with ADHD. It’s the only way that you’ll ensure that you get a knowledgeable and fair review. So if you can, I highly recommend doing that.
And there you have it. Hopefully this helps you figure some things out, and hopefully it helps you to know that you’re nowhere near alone out there. The world is (very slowly) coming around to realize that brains work differently, and there’s nothing wrong with you admitting that your brian is different and working with it. Period.
Hang in there.
And if you need me, feel free to reach out.
