Let me help you figure out how to set up ADHD-friendly resolutions, one step at a time.
Of course, you can also watch here, or listen below or wherever you listen to podcasts.
So, I’ve spoken before on the rules for setting realistic goals. This is similar, but different.
Some of what I mentioned before, especially the whole “not giving up if you mess up” rule, apply here, too. For example, I said I’d read 50 books this year, because I was delusional; I’ve read 15. That said, I’ve still very much enjoyed myself, and I’ve gotten into a better habit of reading. Usually, I include a nice cup of tea with it, and in so doing, I’ve built a new restful routine for myself. If I’d given up when I realized I wasn’t going to hit 50 books, I wouldn’t have found a new thing that brings me enjoyment. So yes; that’s an important rule.
There are three others, though, that I’d like you to keep in mind when you’re putting things together for next year:
Try to plan for the first six months at MOST
I don’t have science to prove this, but in my experience, it seems like ADHDers fall in absolute love with the feeling of new beginnings. We get this way to the point where we start promising way too much, way too fast, for way more time than we actually have available to us.
Enter resolutions for the new year. We tend to want to set goals for an entire year, when we don’t even know how we’ll feel by then. Don’t do this to yourself, because it also works against our tendencies to change course.
Instead, I’m going to suggest that you think in terms of your first three months, or your first six. Not only will that give you a smaller chunk of time to focus on, but it won’t leave you with the totally non-urgent feel of “eh. It’s a year away; I got time.”
Treat some of your goals with flexibility
A lot of productivity gurus push for us to set goals that are quantifiable and measurable and clear, and while I definitely see the point, I don’t think that we necessarily need to treat everything as if the metrics must be perfectly met to be considered “successful.”
Like, sure, using my own example, it’s okay to say “I’m going to read 50 books in 2023,” but it’s also okay to set that number and simply be happy with the number you do reach. It’s also okay to review in six months, see you’re only on track to reach 12 books, and say “Okay then, I’m going to reach twelve books instead of 50.”
Another example, a work example, could be that you tell yourself you’re going to make $100,000 next year. As you check in to see how you’re doing in June, you see you’re only on track to make $50,000. Usually, the internet would say that you should go absolutely nuts trying to figure out how to make that other $50,000, and I suppose you could. You could also take a more curious approach, which involves reviewing what else you’ve got going on. Are you seeing other signs of growth? Are you experiencing things that may set you up to grow, albeit a little later than you initially thought? Then maybe “success” has a different definition here.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have benchmarks and goals, to be clear; I’m just saying that, for people who are really susceptible to imposter syndrome, that you also need to be able to look at things a little more loosely in order to see all of the good you’re doing. It’ll make for a much happier year that way.
And finally:
Set a goal for each part of your life
Hey, so you know what we’re all really bad at? Making sure we give attention to all parts of ourselves. We often do really well at work, but poorly at keeping up with friendships. Or we rock the family life, but are shit at the household chores. To help you pay attention to each of those things, try to set goals that apply to all parts of your life. Set a fitness goal, but also set a self care goal. Set a financial goal, but also set a goal for yourself that you want to reach solely for pure enjoyment.
It’s a balancing act, but remember that the final goal is actually just progress; as long as you make some, you’re doing a great job.
Want to work together in 2023? Come on over and get on my schedule. Starting early next year, 1:1 coaching costs will be going up considerably, so get in while you can!
