So…you know what I love? Being efficient.
You know what ADHD likes to get in the way of? Being efficient. And productive. And remembering where I put that thing that was literally in my hands five seconds ago. It’s like being some level of blackout drunk all the time, but without the fun setup beforehand. As you’d imagine, it makes for a different level of “productive” than what people often expect.
I’ve mentioned before that the world is still working on catching up to ADHD and its metrics, so I thought I’d help a bit by telling you what a productive day looks like to me when I’m not medicated and also probably tired (because I’m always tired). Hereya go:
5:30 – Wake up
Glare at the sun for being rude and rising before I was ready. Take stock of how tired I still feel. Roll over and study some Spanish and wait for my muscles to realize we can’t go back to sleep right now.
6:00ish – Get out of bed
No one has poured food into my mouth and I can no longer procrastinate eating. Stumble downstairs and eat breakfast. If my husband was kind enough to make something, eat healthy. If no one has made anything, eat whatever is easiest to shove down my gullet.
6:30 – Drink tea or coffee and play games on my phone
Talk myself out of buying anything as the mobile games I play flash like four sales in my face. Don’t purchase anything and feel proud of my self-control.
7:00 – Either go back to bed, or sit and talk about going back to bed
MORNINGS ARE TOO EARLY.
7:30 – 8:30 – Talk about working
I have things to do, but my body has decided that even getting up to pee sounds kind of boring. Like, I’ll do it, but I’m going to wait until I’m close to bursting. Every time I try to think of all the things I have to do, my body immediately feels sapped of all of its energy. This could be anything that has multiple steps, actually. A shower. Laundry. Telling the kids not to throw the cat in the pool. Anything really (also, I’m kidding; no one email me about how I’m clearly letting my children murder the family pet).
8:30 – Plan out my day
At this point, I have come to realize that I am not going to be able to get anything done, so I decide that a “productive” day is going to be finishing three really simple things. I wind up promising myself that I’ll take a shower, clean my cat’s litter box, and pick clothes up off the floor. If I finish those things, I was productive and my day was a success.
9:00 – Shower
It’s cold, but I did it.
10:00 – Clean the litter box
It didn’t take me an hour to take a shower, but I got sidetracked and wound up coloring for a bit. Still, the litter box is shitless. I’m good to go.
11:30 – Lunch
LOL. Reddit is hilarious. Also it is hot and I’m starting to feel my energy dip dangerously. Nap? Nap.
1:00 – Oops
Was gonna nap but I started watching YouTube and now I really just want to make this really cool ClickUp dashboard this one creator made. She says it’ll make me more productive. I believe her.
2:00 – Dammit
I have walked past the clothes on the floor probably 14 times, and the thought of picking them up makes my muscles feel like they’re made of molasses. It’s the last thing on my list and I don’t wanna do it.
2:01 – Existential Dread
I am mad. Why can’t I just do this? Shouldn’t I just be able to push through and pick up some stupid clothes from the floor?! I could’ve been done with the three things on my list within an hour. And also, why am I so tired? What is this crap? This is laziness. I could have so much more done if I just tried. Right? Isn’t that the problem? That I’m not pushing past my own barriers? Everything I haven’t started flies from the ether and attaches itself to my face. I should be writing my novel. I should be marketing. I should be answering messages. And when was the last time I drank water? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
2:10 – In bed
I am staring at the ceiling. Okay. I will set a five minute timer and then at the end of it, I will get up and pick up the clothes.
2:15 – Snooze
Not right now, I’m reading something
2:20 – Snooze
Not right now, I’m coloring
2:25 – Snooze
Not right now, I’m not ready.
2:30 – OFF
Be gone, devil alarm.
2:45 – Out of bed
I pick up a nearby pair of sweatpants and a sock and walk them to the closet. I come back out, look at the other clothes on the floor and immediately feel as if every joint is made of concrete.
2:50 – Fine. I’m done.
I cross off the last thing on my list, because I did pick up some clothes. It was what I could push myself to do, and I decide that it counts for something. I feel a little better. I also realize that I still set goals, and then I worked to achieve them. I didn’t quite do them the way others might have – or even how I would’ve envisioned – but I still made sure I did a couple of things. And I allowed myself to just be for a bit. It’s a different productivity, but it’s still producing: cleanliness, energy, ideas (even if the body’s sitting still, the brain isn’t), and a healthy, healthy level of guilt.
Okay, so maybe the next thing isn’t productive, but I’m human.
3:00 – 7:30 – Eff Around
I drink water, at least. Also my kids choose to re-watch Gravity Falls for the 90th time, and I enjoy that. So aiight.
7:30 – Go to bed
I am exhausted, holy shit.
9:00 – Still awake
YouTube got me again, but I the next 24 hours will be MINE. Can’t wait to color code my calendar tomorrow.
9:30 – Finally, I sleep
And so it goes. When I’m medicated, it’s different. But sometimes, it’s not. And my point here is important if you’re like me, or even if you aren’t. My point, my friends, is thus:
The traditional understanding of productivity’s definition is too narrow.
Sometimes, it’s about producing work. Sometimes, it’s about just sitting and producing carbon dioxide. And while you can’t always go according to what you feel like doing, you can often find the wiggle room to allow for a different kind of productivity than just the “buy-buy-buy-sell-sell-sell-grind-grind-grind” kind.
I hope this leaves you feeling a little less alone, and a little bit better.
Now go be productive, whatever that means today.
