This article was originally published to Medium on April 4, 2022.

Just a heads up: I am not a doctor. This article is based on my personal experience, the experiences of other people with ADHD whom I’ve spoken with, and the perspectives given during my conversations with mental health professionals.

Perhaps the most popular question I get, besides “how are you wearing a sweatshirt in Costa Rica” (it gets cold here in the mornings MKAY?!) is “how did you get your ADHD diagnosis?”

The answer is anticlimactic: I decided one day to get evaluated; Google searched for local professionals who diagnose ADHD; called their office and verified that I didn’t need a referral, and made an appointment for that Friday. I was evaluated, and by the following week I’d also met with a psychiatrist for medicine. That’s pretty much it. No rings of fire, no tightrope-walking…just a couple phone calls.

I know, though, that my experience isn’t the most common. Many — women especially — are finding it difficult to be taken seriously by their trusted medical professionals when they voice their concerns. Medical sexism has been a problem for quite a while, and when you tie in the fact that many physicians don’t really get what ADHD really is, and…well…it doesn’t make for a very helpful mix.

Here’s the thing though: I’ve sat back and watched the sudden surge in ADHD awareness for a bit now, and I can see there are problems on both sides. Here’s what I mean:

On the medical side: Not enough is understood about ADHD.

The approaches to ADHD are still disappointingly archaic. It’s still a “child’s disease;” it’s still a “boy’s disease,” and even worse, to many it still doesn’t exist. Someone with ADHD is still considered out of control, problematic, and automatically hyperactive. I still remember being told by my doctor when I first started to suspect that I couldn’t possibly have ADHD because I did well in school.

There is certainly a lack of education on this disorder, and that tends to lead to a butting of heads in some places, because one side is advising based off of what information they’ve been taught, and the other is going off of what they suspect based on information they’ve randomly come across.

Which brings me to the problem we have on the other side:

On the other side: Some people are refusing to believe that they don’t have ADHD.

Here’s the thing: it’s frustrating to have any sort of issue that blocks you from functioning the way you’d like. That’s not even an argument. And the internet has helped people (myself included) feel exponentially less alone, thanks to people who are willing to speak openly about their wins and struggles.

That said, as we’re all aware, the internet is a double-edged sword.

The surge in social media posts about ADHD has helped a number of people get off their butts for a diagnosis (again…me), but it’s also led some to believe that one or two similarities means that THE DIAGNOSIS IS ADHD AND THAT IS ALL IT CAN BE.

As you might imagine, this can make for a frustrating time as a diagnostician. You can explain all you’d like to someone that what they believe is incorrect, that ADHD symptoms have to interfere with your life to a certain degree, that there are other things that share symptoms with ADHD, but convincing people that they’re wrong can be nigh impossible. This goes doubly for when they suspect that they’re struggling with something that can be managed with medicine.

I know that desperation well. There’s so much hope that you’ll have answers, that you’ll be able to research and plan, and get a handle on your life. And being told that won’t happen is hard.

But there’s a thin line between advocating for yourself, and trying to force a diagnosis that doesn’t fit.

So if you suspect you’re ADHD, here’s what I suggest you do:

First, I suggest you try going straight to a professional who specializes in the condition. They’ll be most likely to know what to look for. Your insurance, your location, or your finances may play a part in this. But if this is possible, it’s your best and quickest option.

If the first option isn’t available without a referral, talk to your primary care physician. You absolutely should come ready to explain why you’re concerned, but don’t go in ready to fight. You’re supposed to be a team, and that means working together.

As you discuss your concerns with your doctor, pay close attention to how they’re responding to you. If they’re asking follow up questions, looking at you as you speak, and letting you ask questions, they’re not ignoring your concerns.

Ask directly for an ADHD evaluation referral. Don’t leave it up to them to suggest it. If the doctor seems to disagree or hesitate, tell them exactly: “I’d like to do it just for my peace of mind, please.” Any physician worth their salt wants your mind to be at peace, and that should be that. If they still argue or flat-out refuse you, end your consult and find a new doctor. There’s no harm in getting evaluated at all.

Please remember that your doctor isn’t mistreating your or denying your concerns if they won’t give you medication right away. The most common medications for ADHD are stimulants, and for non-ADHD brains, that can cause a lot of issues.

And finally, when you get your evaluation done, if ADHD is ruled out, you, of course are entitled to a second — or even third — opinion. But please remember that you don’t have to have ADHD to have valid issues with time management or memory, and that fishing for a particular diagnosis can stop you from finding what really works.

And by the way: if you’re asking me things like “what if the doctor just keeps talking over me?” or “what if I beg for an evaluation and the doctor tells me they don’t believe in ADHD?” or “what if my doctor tells me I just need to go outside more and I’m cured?”

Dude. Find a new doctor yesterday. There’s nothing wrong with caution, but ignoring your concerns, downplaying your symptoms, or refusing your preferred treatment methods isn’t caution. Your doctor should be your advocate, and if they aren’t your advocate, peace out.

If you’re struggling, remember that the prize is fixing — or learning to maintain — that struggle. It isn’t to be right, or to hear what you want to hear.

Good luck. And if you’re looking for places that specifically manage ADHD, here are some good places to start.