Why I Stopped Taking my ADHD Medication

IMPORTANT: I’m not here to bash ADHD medication, or any type of medication for that matter, so if you’re here to hear about me telling you that farting in the forest and licking toads is better or something, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. 

Of course, you can watch me talk about this instead here, and you can listen to it below, or wherever it is that you listen to podcasts. 

First, the backstory

Since my diagnosis in 2021, things seemed to be going in the right direction. I was definitely more energetic, more able to do things I hadn’t been able to do before without aLOT of effort, but that fatigue, the main reason I’d finally looked into my diagnosis, would still kick my ass multiple times a month. 

I couldn’t seem to get the best handle on it either. I’d track my ultradian rhythm and my menstrual cycle, and that helped for sure, but I still seemed to find days wherein I’d wake up to find myself suddenly unable to do anything besides lie on my side and think about all the things I would do if I wasn’t exhausted. 

Something was still wrong. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew that I needed to figure it out before I lost my mind. 

Anhedonia

On top of all of this, I began to notice that I was never happy. Not in a “why-is-my-life-so-miserable” type way, but in a way wherein it was clear that I literally COULD NOT be happy. Even in moments where I knew I’d usually feel intense happiness or excitement or joy, I wouldn’t feel it, couldn’t feel it. It was as if my joy was behind a very thick curtain that I couldn’t seem to push aside. I could feel sadness and overwhelm and all the negative emotions perfectly; but joy was out of reach. 

The difference here, the thing that kept me from seeing this as depression, is that I actually wanted to feel joy. Like I was aggressively trying to reach for it, and I just wasn’t getting to it. I didn’t feel sad or hopeless; I just felt numb. And it pissed me off. 

I did a little digging on a hunch, and found that for some, the constant pushing ADHD medications do on your dopamine receptors can actually down-regulate those same receptors, which is a fancy way of saying that you suddenly become less sensitive to, and more deficient in, dopamine. 

So, while this doesn’t mean that yours will do that to you, I was pretty damn sure that that was what was happening to me, and I hated it. 

Mucho Dinero

After moving down here to Costa Rica and accidentally winding up on the name-brand version of my medication, I found myself in trouble. The name brand worked way better than anything I’d ever used, and it was also hundreds of dollars a month. Even after I begrudgingly lowered my dosage; even after I started taking at least a day off per weekend, I was still paying way more my medication than I felt comfortable with. Keep in mind that I’m also on an antidepressant for my OCD, so this was a problem, to say the least. 

Hormones, Herbalism, and something else that starts with H

I began to slowly stumble on something that I’d suspected, but hadn’t really paid much attention to: my hormones were largely ruining my life. 

I’ve known for years that I have PMDD, or Premenstrual Dysmorphic Disorder. A really high percentage of ADHDers do. And one thing that makes it even worse: our symptoms get so bad that meds don’t work as we get closer to our periods. In fact, the real joy is in how we’ll have days like this throughout the month regardless, because PMDD is something that can haunt you from ovulation until your period. 

Another little important tidbit here: theories are circulating, suggesting that PMDD is not, in fact, a hormonal imbalance, but a heightened sensitivity to hormonal change. It’s why your thyroid tests and endocrinology tests won’t come back abnormal; your hormones are at the correct level, but your system just hates when they change. AT ALL. 

So this stuck with me. It tracked, because my energy levels and focus levels were damned near impossible to figure out. However, once I started looking into where my hormones were supposed to be at certain points in my cycle, I began to realize that I tended to feel tired and demotivated on the days when my levels were changing. 

So I took on a new obsessive focus: I wanted to figure out how to lessen these. Either by stopping my hormonal ups and downs all together (with birth control, which I didn’t really want to do), or by getting something going that would lessen the intensity of the swings. 

I can’t remember what got me into medicinal herbalism. I don’t know when I went from slightly fascinated to completely in love with it, but the next thing I knew, I was taking classes in herbalism, reading books on it, and genuinely longing to figure out a way to use plants to fix my issues if I could.

I’d met with an herbalist online, and they suggested some herbs I couldn’t get here in Costa Rica, so until I could get them, I was still looking around for other options while I asked around in case there was some underground group carrying American herbs somewhere. 

As I walked past a kiosk in a mercado in Alajuela, I decided to ask there, just in case. They weren’t an apothecary; more like a health food store (think GNC), but I figured it was worth a shot. I explained in my OK Spanish that I was looking for hormonal support. 

The woman responded that she didn’t have what I was looking for, but she did have something for hormonal support. And she held up a jar of capsules containing Maca root powder and Panax Ginseng, along with some B vitamins and zinc. She told me that it was supposed to help. By then, I’d been studying enough to recognize the name of the two herbs, so I decided it couldn’t hurt to try it. 

I tried it. 

I won’t go on about what each of these herbs do, because I’ll be here for a long time, but I will say that they worked well after a few days. 

I had stopped taking my ADHD medication because Ginseng is known to give energy, and I didn’t want to hurt myself, and I realized about a week in that I felt just as I would as if I’d taken my meds. So I decided to keep going.

And I’m here, a month later, doing fine. Better than fine. Great. 

I feel joy again. I’m not incredibly happy ALL the time, but who is? Really, I just feel happy when I’m supposed to. That’s all I asked. 

And as for my hormones and cycles? They’re much more even, much more predictable. Even during what many call Hell Week, the week before your period where you’re supposed to be feeling your worst, I feel fine. I’m not horribly angry and irritable. I’m not so fatigued that I can’t move. My ADHD symptoms are manageable. 

Of course, I do still have some PMS-y days, but they’re on par with a normal PMS, and it’s only about 2-3 days a month instead of 15. 

So I don’t think I’ll be going back. Ever. 

Why I’m telling you this:

Two reasons, really: 

1. I want you to know who you’re dealing with. I don’t want you to ever feel deceived or unsure of the kind of person you’re working with if you decide to work with me. And
2. I know some of you can’t handle medications, or have tried medications and didn’t like the way they made you feel, or anything in that vein really. And I know that that can feel hopeless and scary. I want you to know that there may be other options. Of course, read up. Make sure that whatever you’re doing is backed by science and evidence. Be smart. But keep your mind open, and know that you’re not doomed. There may be something else to help you. I’m not saying my way will fix it for everyone, but I do like to think that I’m living proof that there are possibilities out there. 

I hope this helps, and I can’t wait to show you all that’s next.